


Hours After The Show

by cognitioncorsair



Series: Post-Episode Vaguely Plausible Julian/John [3]
Category: Orbiting Human Circus of the Air (Podcast)
Genre: And all the violence happened during the episode anyways, First Kiss, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Oh yeah by post-episode I mean post-episode-7 btw, Some Medical Stuff, post-episode, very minor though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9404633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cognitioncorsair/pseuds/cognitioncorsair
Summary: The show is over (ruined). The audience has gone (fled). Host John Cameron, in the midst of a panic attack, receives a phone call. Who is on the other end? What horrible, terrible news do they have for him? Read on to find out!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! If you can't tell (because I'm being super vague) this takes place after episode 7, so you should _definitely_ listen to that first.
> 
> Special thanks to [JustADumbWriter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/JustADumbWriter/pseuds/JustADumbWriter) as usual for being an amazing friend (and writer) and always giving me lots of ideas, encouragement, and inspiration for my writing!!!

The “ON AIR” sign above the stage flickered off and John breathed a sigh of relief, finally truly alone. His legs were shaking, and when he summoned the strength to lift his hands to eye level he saw they were shaking too. Bright colors danced across his vision and he fell heavily to his knees, shifting to lie down on the stage.

“Nothing matters anymore,” he said to the empty room, voice gradually rising in volume and pitch as he spoke. “I’m ruined! I knew this day would come, oh god, I knew! But I just, just kept on with it, didn’t I? Well, I’m a trooper, that’s what my mother always said. When was that, again? Oh, that’s right, when she kicked me out at sixteen and told me I could survive on my own. Ha! Look at me now, mother! Look at me now!” He laughed hysterically, head pounding.

A roar echoed from the depths of the tower. John closed his eyes, hoping that the bear would sense his despair and come rid him of it. Fortunately, the sound faded, a ringing telephone replacing it. He groaned, rolling over and pressing his face into the cool, dark wood of the stage. The caller was undoubtedly someone at the Perpetual Broadcasting Corporation, most likely trying to tell him he was fired.

The ringing seemed to get louder, somehow, as if the phone had detached itself from the wall and was hopping through the halls looking for him. Or maybe his headache was just getting worse. Since the hypnosis… incident, he had been in a near-constant state of intoxication, and the hangover was finally starting to catch up with him.

“Be quiet!” he shouted, wincing as his head throbbed. When the inanimate object didn't obey his order, he slowly picked himself off the ground and limped offstage. Sometime in the earlier chaos, he seemed to have sprained his ankle, and it hurt quite badly.

“Julian is going to pay for this,” he muttered. “Where is the little bastard, anyways? What, he caused his trouble and slipped off, leaving me to deal with the consequences? Why am I not surprised?”

The room was spinning by the time he reached the circus’s only phone, exhaustedly lifting the receiver and pressing it to his ear.

“John Cameron,” he said with effort, slumped against the wall.

“John! What ze hell have you been doing, I've been trying to call you for ten minutes!”

“Leticia?” he asked, shocked. “Wha- where are you? When did you leave? What's going on?”

She sputtered something in French. “Mon Dieu, are you zat caught up in ze show? I am wiz Julian.”

John's vision turned red. “Oh, thank god. Is he restrained? I refuse to let him get away without punishment this time.” He clenched his fist around the receiver handle, breathing heavily. The janitor was ruining his life, and if the PBC refused to do anything about it, he’d have to take it upon himself.

He jumped as yelling burst from the phone. “Restrained? Restrained!? John Cameron, how heartless do you have to be, ze man is bleeding out!”

The world went cold. White noise filled his ears, drowning out the sounds of Leticia’s outrage. His headache fell away, replaced by a feeling of fuzziness, like his brain had been filled with cotton balls, soaking up his ability to process new stimuli. Everything was too bright.

“B- bleeding out?” he whispered, fighting through the haze. “Bleeding out? Bleeding out!? What the hell are you saying, Tish, what are you trying to say, because I- I don’t  _ understand _ , what’re you-”

“John, please, shut your mouth. Just… just come to ze hospital. Ze, uh, ze one we went to when you feel off ze stage last year. On Rue de Sèvres. Please hurry.” The line clicked and went dead.

“Tish! No!” he shouted into the receiver, but it was too late; she was gone. He frantically dialed 3131, connecting after two rings.

“Necker Hospital, how can I help you?”

John slammed the phone back on the hook.  “ _ What is going on!? _ ” he shouted, banging his fist against the wall. “An hour ago, one single hour ago, everything was fine! There was a polar bear chained to the microphone, sure, but it wasn’t loose. The janitor was an ass but, oh, god, he wasn’t  _ dying _ .” He choked back a sob.

“Necker Hospital,” he whispered, resting his head against the smooth concrete wall. “Necker Hospital. Rue de- de Sèvres. I’ll go there, I’ll, I’ll yell at Julian for putting us in this goddamn situation. He’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.”

The elevator was open again when he got there; he rode down in silence, not acknowledging the operator’s small talk. At the bottom, he walked collectedly to his car, digging the keys out of his pocket. He drove as fast as legally possible to the hospital, the drive short and quiet.

The warm summer air did nothing to calm his shivering.

At the hospital, he parked and walked calmly inside, slamming his fist down on the front desk.

“Julian the janitor. Now.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. The receptionist raised her eyebrows.

“Sir, are you looking for an employee? It wouldn’t be quite proper, but I can look through our personnel files, if you-”

“No, no, of  _ course _ not” John snapped, shaking his head. “He’s a- he’s a patient, he came in only a little while ago, you must have seen him. He’s, he’s short, light brown skin, brown hair, wears a, a stupid hat. He was bleeding-” He stopped, voice cracking. “He was bleeding, quite badly. I- I need to see him.”

The receptionist frowned. “Sir, the patients don’t come through here. If you give me his name I can-”

“I already  _ gave _ you his name. Julian the janitor.”

She sighed. “His  _ full  _ name.”

John opened his mouth, grasping for the answer. “I. I don’t. I don’t know, just, just  _ find _ him!” He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. The receptionist eyed him warily. “He came in with a, a woman. I think. Leticia Saltier.”

“Alright, that could work.” She thought for a minute. “Spelling?”

“Um… L-E-T-I-S-H-” John stopped, eyes widening as he spotted Leticia herself rounding the corner. “Never mind, goodbye!” He raced towards his friend, the receptionist shouting something about visitor passes.

“Tish,” he gasped, almost falling on top of her. “What’s happening?”

She grabbed him, pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank ze lord, you made it. I was just coming to- mon Dieu, John, you are shaking. Are you alright? Please, sit.” She dragged him into one of the lobby’s hard chairs.

“Where-”

“He’s in surgery right now.” Leticia cut him off, shaking her head. “He has lost a lot of blood.”

John slumped forward, dropping his head into his hands. The headache was back in full force, and the rest of his body seemed to be going the same way. He suddenly remembered the sprained ankle, which chose that moment to throb painfully.

“John? John, my friend, what do you need?” Leticia rubbed small circles on his back, leaning down to peer at him concernedly. “Ze doctors are, um, not un-optimistic. Most of ze wounds are not very deep. Ze polar bear’s claws were not very long, zey zink.”

John coughed. “He’s not dead,” he whispered, voice strained. “Everything’s fine. He’ll be out of surgery soon, he’ll get better, and then I’ll march him up to goddamn tower management and get him fired. In fact, I’ll, I’ll fire all of them. Negligence charges, every last one. This shouldn’t have  _ happened _ .”

Leticia sighed. “Don’t worry, zere is plenty of blame to go around.” She swallowed hard. “Ze doctors, uh, say zat carrying him down all zose stairs may have caused problems, but, zere, zere was nozing else I could do.”

“Tish. Don't. Please.” He chuckled humorlessly. “It was when he jumped in front of me, wasn't it. Right before you tackled me. If there’s anyone to blame, well, it certainly isn't you.”

She said nothing, just pulled him into another hug. He leaned his head against her shoulder.

“If Julian dies, I’ll never forgive him,” John muttered. To an outsider, this may have sounded caustic and unfeeling, but Leticia knew him well enough to know that by “him”, John was really referring to himself.

He didn’t cry. John never cried, and besides, it was only the  _ janitor _ .


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty minutes later, the receptionist sent for a nurse to check on the pair and offer them more comfortable chairs in the surgical-wing waiting room. They accepted: the chairs weren’t better, but they felt the need to be as close to Julian as possible.

An hour later, a doctor came out to tell them that Julian was still in surgery, but that things were going well and they were optimistic. John still didn’t cry, but a few tears of relief dripped down Leticia’s cheeks.

The stagehands showed up soon, Jacques carrying bags of takeout Chinese and a box of tissues. John pulled the tissues out one by one and threw them across the waiting room while Leticia scolded him. She tried to force him to eat but he continuously refused, eventually getting up and stalking off when she forcefully told him that “Julian wouldn’t want zis”.

Four hours after John first arrived, a nurse came up to their group and led them through the halls of the hospital, explaining that Julian had done remarkably well in surgery and that everyone was “very optimistic”, a word which John deeply wished they would stop using.

The nurse stopped them in front of Julian’s room. Since he had only just finished surgery and wasn’t “out of ze woods quite yet,” as the nurse helpfully phrased it, the front wall of his room was mostly made of glass, allowing the doctors to keep an eye on him. The staff of the broadcast ballroom gazed in at the little janitor. He looked so fragile, they all thought, hooked up to all those wires and tubes. The bright, lively energy that usually characterized him was completely absent.

François considered making a joke about Julian finally shutting up, but realized a second after thinking of it that he really, really didn’t want to.

“Can we go inside?” Leticia asked eagerly, wrapping an arm around John, who looked like he might faint.

The nurse shook his head. “Peace and quiet is the best thing for him right now,” he answered apologetically. “I wanted to let you all see him, for a moment, but I’m afraid you must go back to ze waiting room. Or, go home, if you want.”

Leticia pursed her lips. “Could, perhaps, just one or two of us visit? Only for a minute?”

The man shook his head again. “I’m sorry, no. Please follow me back to the lobby.”

“Um, may ze two of us have anozer minute?” she asked, gesturing to herself and John. “We’ve been here before, we can find our way back to ze lobby. Ze rest of you should go home, we will call you if anyzing happens.”

The nurse shot her a look, but relented, ushering the stagehands back the way they came. Jacques looked back over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow at Leticia, who simply nodded. He shrugged and turned back, giving François a pat on the shoulder.

They stood at the window silently looking in for another ten minutes, before the nurse finally returned and kicked them out. By that time, it was close to two AM, and they were too anxious to get any sleep. The pair spent a restless few hours huddled on the waiting room’s single, lumpy couch, silently staring at the patients, families, and employees flitting in and out.

Morning came soon enough, the large windows flooding the room with light. John blinked slowly, unsticking his face from Leticia’s shirt.

“What time is it?” he asked drowsily. “What’s-” He froze, dread filling the pit of his stomach as everything from the night before rushed back to him. He shook Leticia’s shoulder frantically.

“I am up, I am up,” she groaned, smacking at his hands. “Is zere news?” Her eyes widened at John’s distraught expression. “Is everyzing ok?”

“I don’t know, I don’t  _ know _ . Something just feels…  _ wrong _ .” He jumped up and Leticia grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. She stood up slowly, not letting him go.

“John,” she said calmly. “John, my friend, please listen to me. I am absolutely sure zat ze janitor is fine. If somezing had happened, zey would have come to tell us, oui? And if somezing has happened, which, I am sure it has not, racing down zere will change nozing. Understand?” She looked deep into his eyes, rubbing her thumbs in small circles on his wrist. “Breaze wiz me, John. In and out. Zere you go. Focus on your surroundings.”

When he had calmed down somewhat, she guided him back to Julian's room. To their great relief, he was still sleeping peacefully. 

“Oh, nurse!” Leticia called out, flagging down the man they'd been talking to the night before. He stopped, looking annoyed.

“I am sorry, ma'am, but my shift is just finishing. Can I get anozer nurse to help you?”

John dropped Leticia’s hand, reaching forward to grab the front of the man’s scrubs. “Tell me how he's doing,” he ordered, eyes fiery.

The nurse was unfazed. “Sir, if you do not let go of me, I will be forced to call security.” John growled but relented.

“Thank you. Now, please return to ze lobby, and I will send someone out for you shortly.”

Leticia laughed. “Oh, no, little man. We will be staying right here.”

He threw up his hands. “Fine, fine! Camp out on ze floor for all I care, it is not my job to deal wiz you right now.” He stalked off, grabbing an attendant and pointing furiously at the pair as he left.

“Well, zis is going well,” Leticia said brightly. She and John turned back to Julian’s room, leaning against the glass.

John’s heart twisted. Last night, he'd been to tired to focus on more than the janitor’s face, but now he took in the multiple IVs stuck into his arm, the bandages wrapped around his head and covering one of his eyes, and the tube sticking out of his mouth.

John drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “I think I'm going to faint,” he said.

Leticia caught him before he fell. “Doctor!” she called out to no one in particular. “Zis man has not slept well for much too long. I am taking him into our friends room so he can rest.”

No one stopped her, or even seemed to notice her dragging John’s half-conscious body inside. She set him down in one of the room’s chairs (considerably more comfortable than those in the waiting room) and crouched down, peering up at him.

“I- tired,” he mumbled.

“Oh, oui,” Leticia agreed. “All zis anxiety is exhausting, my friend.” She patted his leg, smoothly rising to her feet. “You rest, I will get some info- oh. He is asleep.”


	3. Chapter 3

John jerked up, mind blurry and unsure of his location for the second time that day. Outside, the sun was just starting to set, casting cool orange light into the darkened room. His eyes flickered over to Julian. The janitor was still asleep, but the tube had been removed and his chest was rising and falling peacefully.

He noticed a piece of paper sitting on his lap, covered in Leticia’s uniquely messy yet endearing handwriting.

_ Johnathan _ , it read.  _ You have already been sleeping for a few hours now, but I'm not going to wake you. God knows you need the rest. Well, we all do, but that is beside the point. _

_ Not long after you fell asleep, the doctors removed Julian’s intubation tube. They tell me his lung had been punctured by the polar bear, and while they patched it in surgery, they wanted to insert the tube as a precaution. At this point he is fine and very much able to breath on his own.  _

_ Besides the lung, many of his wounds were deep but not very serious. The main concern was how much blood he lost, as well as some other superficial damage. There are some concerns about his left eye, but they are  _ _ optimistic _ _ hopeful (I am sorry, I know you dislike that word, but I am writing with pen). _

_ In general, Julian is doing fine. The doctors say he might even wake up today. _

_ I will be back later. Despite yesterday’s  _ _ tragedy _ _ events, those idiots at the PBC are insisting we air something this evening. Luckily, we still haven't used that backup tape we recorded a few months ago, so I will be going into work to play that. I will pick up some food for us on the way back, but the cafeteria here is decent if you get hungry. The stagehands say they will be coming back to visit, but we will see. _

_ Say hello to Julian for me if he wakes up. _

_ Good luck, _

_ Tish ❤️ _

John stood shakily, keeping his weight off his still-twinging ankle, and hobbled over to the chair closest to Julian. He sat down heavily, leaning his elbows on the bed.

“Well,” he started, voice cracking from disuse. He cleared his throat. “Well. Here I am at last. I'm sure you've been  _ dying  _ to see me, haven't you.” He laughed dryly. Julian, still sleeping, didn't respond.

“Hmm. No, I'm sure I'm about the last person you'd want sitting at your bedside, aren't I. Well, I, I mean, I  _ am _ sorry about what happened to you. Within a reasonable amount, of course. I haven't been, you know, crying over your sleeping body or anything. I didn't even notice you'd been hurt at first, imagine that!”

He clenched his fists. “I just, just kept on with the show. The show is my life, isn't it? That's what everyone always says, and maybe, well, maybe I've started to believe it myself. You ruined the show. You- you  _ fucking _ ruined it. And what do I do? Tried to feed myself to a polar bear, and then you ruined that too!”

John lowered his voice, which had risen almost to a shout. “Why did you do that?” he asked, a tear trickling down his cheek. “After  _ everything _ I've  _ done _ to you, you jumped in front of a  _ polar bear _ for me?”

He took Julian’s hand, which his own had somehow made its way over to. “Even when you're awful, you're still so good,” he whispered. “Why are you in my life? Why can't I hate you? Why do I- I-”

The automatic lights kicked in overhead, chasing away the shadows. John blinked in the sudden brightness, wiping at his face.

“Well. Julian. Everything is fine. The show isn’t completely ruined, and Tish says you’re going to be alright. I don’t know what I’ve been blathering on about.” He laughed, voice edged with hysteria. “If by some, er, modern miracle you’ve been listening to me this entire time, feel free to forget everything I said. But, well, that doesn't seem likely. So. That's good, I suppose.”

John sighed. He wanted to leave: the room, the hospital, his life. He could’ve be anywhere in the world right then, and yet somehow he had ended up sitting at the bedside of some janitor, a man who didn't even work for him (and more often than not ended up working  _ against _ him), holding his hand.

He examined the hand: golden brown, palm calloused from years of work, a sharp contrast to John’s own smooth, pale, well-moisturized skin.

Without stopping to think about it (an amazing feat for him) he leaned down and kissed the back of Julian’s hand. Suddenly, the fingers entwined in John’s twitched, tightening around his own. 

“Mr. Cameron?”

John jerked up, dropping Julian’s hand as if it'd burned him. “Julian!” he barked, heart fluttering in his chest. “You're- you're awake!”

The janitor frowned, brow furrowed. “Am I in the hospital?”

John breathed a sigh of relief; obviously, the janitor hadn't noticed him doing anything… questionable. “Yes, yes, the polar bear did some serious damage. You should be fine now, anyways, according to Leticia. I'll go, um, alert one of the doctors that you're awake.”

He pushed his chair back and made to stand, but the look on Julian’s face stopped him.

“What's, uh, the matter?”

Julian bit his lip. “How long was I out?”

John shrugged, confused. “I don't know, less than a day. I'm not sure if-”

“It's just, I was having a bunch of dreams?” Julian interrupted. “It felt, I dunno, kind of like I was awake for a day. But not awake. But I still remember, like, a lot of stuff that happened?”

John froze. “What types of things,” he asked cautiously. The janitor’s frown deepened.

“Um, mostly a lot of sounds and feelings, I guess? I was in an ambulance, and then I passed out, but when it stopped I heard all these people around me. They sounded concerned, um, but not, like it was their job to stay calm. I didn't hear much for a while, but I felt this numbness all over, and sometimes little prickling feelings. Mostly in my chest.” He laid a hand on his chest, rubbing at one of his bandages.

“Sounds like surgery, I suppose,” John offered. He winced as images of the janitor lying bloodied on an operating table flooded his mind. “What else?” he managed to say. “And try to make it quick, I should really go into work and see how Leticia is doing.”

Julian thought for a minute. “Mostly just lying in this bed. A lot of different people came in at different times, I think. I remember hearing you and Leticia and all the stagehands outside, but not coming in. And then after a while, you and Leticia came back. She left pretty quickly, but you fell asleep. Leticia came back at one point. I think she left a note, but didn't wake you up. And, um, that's pretty much all I remember.”

John shook his head. “Incredible,” he said. “I should knock you out and let you do that on the show.”

“Really!?”

“No. Anyways, I  _ really _ must be going-”

“Wait!” Julian exclaimed. “Wait. Um, there was one other thing.”

“Yes, yes?” John tapped his fingers impatiently. Inside, he was panicking. What else could there be, besides his stupid speech with a few minutes before? And how was he supposed to explain all  _ that _ ?

Julian looked away, not meeting his eyes.

“Right, um, right before I woke up. Um. I had a- a dream, I think, where you were talking to me. About. Um. Me, ju- jumping in front of the polar bear. And you, um, called me good? And said you didn't hate me?” He laughed nervously. “And then, um, you… held my hand. And. Kissed it.”

John scoffed, heart pounding. “Kissed your hand? Are you royalty now?”

Julian laughed again. “Yeah, it, um, I know. It's just, everything else I heard was real, I think. And then, right when I woke up, I felt you drop my hand. So, um, what were you doing?”

John took a deep breath. “Checking your pulse, of course. Nothing more. Now, are you quite finished, or-”

“Do you like me?”

He froze, choking on his words. “ _ Like _ you? What're you on about?” He stared at Julian, who suddenly looked much more determined than he had a moment before.

“Mr. Cameron, I- I know what I heard. You said you were sorry about what happened to me, and that you didn't hate me.” He swallowed hard. “And you were gonna say something else… about… not hating me….”

He trailed off, leaving them in silence. John sighed. 

“Of course I'm  _ sorry _ about what happened to you, what kind of a ridiculous notion is that, that I wouldn't be? You could have, you could have  _ died _ .” His voice cracked on the last word and he cleared his throat.

“And, I- I feel like we should have established by now that the feelings I have for you- er, I mean, how I feel- that I don't hate you.”

Julian closed his eyes, twisting the blanket in his hands. “You were right,” he said.

“A- about?”

“What you said. Before. I did ruin everything. It's my fault that the show got messed up, that I got hurt, that I almost-”

“No,” John snapped. “What are you talking about!? You- you saved my life! If it weren't for you, I  _ would _ be dead! Don't you understand that?”

“But I-”

“No,” John said again. “Let me say this. Why, after everything I've done to you, why did you save me?”

“Because, I-”

“Why did I deserve that?” he asked, almost shouting. “For god’s sake, why would you value my life over-”

“Because I love you!”

The room fell silent, the only sound that of the steady beeping of Julian’s heart monitor. John’s hand, which had been been gripping the edge of the bed, fell into his lap.

“What.”

Julian squeezed his eyes shut, turning his head away. “I… I’m in love with you, Mr. Cameron. I'm sorry. I never, I mean, I- I don't know  _ why _ . I just, I just  _ am _ .”

John blinked. “You're in love with me? You're sure?”

“Um. Yeah.”

He took a deep breath, feeling his heart rate slow. Suddenly, everything clicked into place. “I think I'm in love with you too.”

Julian’s head snapped back, eyes wide. “ _ Really? _ ”

John pursed his lips. “Well, amid the confusion of the last twenty-four hours, it seems to be the only thing that makes sense.”

He reached out and slowly, tentatively took Julian’s hand back in his own. Ten minutes before, he had been in the exact same position, almost out of his mind with confusion and anxiety. Now, he felt calmer than he thought he ever had. “Anyways, I… I suppose there's only one way to make sure.”

This was a lie: he knew before their lips even touched.

When he pulled back, Julian’s face was bright red, and his almost certainly was too.

“Mr. Cam- John- I, I’m...” Julian’s eyelids fluttered and he lay carefully back on the pillow. “How much, um, blood, did I lose, exactly?”

John’s eyes widened. “I’ll, I'll get the doctor,” he said, jumping up and limping out of the room. His mind raced, but the serenity of his realization (that he was in  _ love _ with the janitor, who'd have thought?) stayed with him. 

He ran into Leticia right outside the door, almost slamming into her. 

“Oh, John! You look well, how is everyzing?” she asked cheerfully. “Ze doctors tell me zat-”

“I kissed the janitor,” he blurted, peering over her shoulder for someone to check on Julian.

“Oh mon Dieu, really? Zat is wonderful, I am so proud of you!” She slapped him on the back, causing him to lose balance and place his weight on his bad ankle.

“Tish,” he groaned, leaning against the wall. “Please go get a doctor.”

“While you go back in zere and make out wiz Julian?” She considered it for a minute. “Hm, alright. Tell him I said hello!” She left to go find one of Julian’s doctors, but turned back after a few steps.

“He… is awake, yes? Like, he was awake when you-”

“Tish,  _ please _ .”

“Alright, alright,” she said, striding off. 

“Julian,” John called out, making his way back into the hospital room. He waved, but the janitor seemed to have fallen back asleep.

“You're not… fake-asleep again, are you?” he asked, dropping back down into his chair. As before, Julian did not respond. 

“Well, here we are,” John spoke into the silence. “It's almost like nothing has changed. But everything has changed, hasn't it.”

He took the janitor’s hand once again, guiltlessly this time, and pressed another kiss to it. “Look at me,” he scoffed. “I'm ridiculous, aren't I? And yet…”

He gazed fondly down at Julian’s peaceful face, feeling that nothing in his life could ever feel wrong again, as long as the man he loved was there with him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse my lack of any understanding of medical shit, I get 99% of my info from Grey's Anatomy
> 
> What else... oh yeah, John's anxiety!! I realized halfway through writing this that I had basically given him an Actual Anxiety Disorder™, so I kinda tried to write that from my own experiences + build on it some more. I love the idea of Tish being his support system and knowing different calming techniques for when he's freaking out (although she's not always the _most_ helpful, but she tries).
> 
> By the way, I've decided to make this into a series, including a couple other fics I already posted. They don't take place in the same "universe": it's actually the opposite. They're all different scenarios for how Julian and John could get together for the first time, based on events in different episodes. You certainly don't have to read the others, but I would appreciate it!
> 
> Come talk to me about Julian/John @ rotatinghumancircus.tumblr.com!!!!


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